Why am I doing this ?


Hello Guys, today something different. I would like to tell you a personal story and try to explain, why I think sometimes Football in some situations can be comparable to a Break-up or a Hangover and then again not.

Let me explain it and share with you a story that happened to me this Saturday.
For understanding it you need to know the following background Information:

I am a passionate supporter of the Football club Borussia Dortmund. I watch every game and go to the stadium as often as I can, depending on the price, my schedule and the availability of tickets.
Dortmund started very good in the German league. They were even on top of the table. Then they lost against Tottenham Hotspurs in the Champions League.
Honestly it isn’t that bad too loose an away game against Tottenham.
Annoying was just, what happened afterwards. The Tottenham game was the beginning of a period of time Dortmund couldn’t win a single game in the Champions league, but also in the German league.
Every Borussia Dortmund Fan was very disappointed because of that and now they had to face their biggest rival and enemy club Schalke 04. To give you an understanding of the importance of this game I would like to draw your attention to the fact, that this is usually the most important game for Dortmund fans every season and a success in this game would make all the shitty weeks before the Schalke game be forgotten.

Flashback finished.
Here I sit, in my apartment in Belgium ready for probably the most important Borussia Dortmund game in this Bundesliga season.
In my ears headphones to listen to the Borussia Dortmund fanradio.
On the table my laptop for watching the game somewhere at the Internet.
The first half starts, and how it starts.
Borussia Dortmund is leading 4:0 after just 25. Minutes. I am celebrating and singing Dortmund songs so loud that our neighbors probably also know now, what happens in this minutes at the Borussia Dortmund stadium. 4:0 after just 25 minutes, after the last weeks seeing Dortmund playing really shitty I am extremely happy. Overwhelmed with feelings, I am texting a Portuguese friend of mine that I will propose to Dortmunds Portuguese player Raphaël Guerreiro, who scored the 4:0.

After the first half the only bad thing is, that the game is not yet finished.
But well, what could possibly happen with a 4:0 lead, right?

The second half starts.
I just check the messages on my phone.
My Schalke friends are complaining and seem to be depressed.
Of course I am spitefully happy about it.
In the 61. Minute Schalke scores the 4:1. It’s okay, we can deal with it, still three goals for them to catch up, I am thinking. Only four minutes later they score the 4:2, which marks at the same time the beginning of me getting nervous.
Of course my nervousness started at a very low level, but I have to admit, after our striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang received a red card in the 72th minute, it started to get bigger and to turn into fear.
Could my favorite team, after such a great first half, really not manage to win this game?As some more minutes passed and it was already the 85th minute, I began to calm down a bit, but guess what happened. In the 86th minute Daniel Caliguri scored the 4:3 and after this goal a mental torture began. I didn’t know what to do. First I stood up, because I couldn’t sit anymore. Then, for the following ten minutes I just walked around in a small circle listening to the fanradio. I chewed on my mobile phone cover. If anyone else would have watched me, he would have thought he is seeing a psychopath there. Well I have to admit, I was at that moment kind of a psychopath. But the suspense drove me crazy.
Then the Fanradio announced the extra time-7 minutes. 7 fuc…ing minutes. I don’t even remember a single game with seven minutes extra time. This was the first time I shouted and kicked my chair.
After that, I was just begging that nothing happens in this seven minutes extra time.

Well here is what happened and what I did: In the fourth minute of the extra time Schalke player Naldo scored the equalizer.
My reaction in the exact order: German swearwords, Kicking the chair the first time, German Swearwords, Complaining about the fact that there is just one single team in the world that cannot make it to win after a 4:0 lead, beating the wall, Complaining, kicking my wardrobe door, Swearwords, kicking one of the cartons I still got from the move, German swearwords, Listening to the end of the game, swearwords, kicking the chair a second time (this time harder), Deciding to get fresh air to calm down and to not annoy my roommate anymore.

As a football fan your current mood is in a way always related on the success of your team. It’s not the case that I cannot deal with defeats. I even developed a little system, what to do after a painful Dortmund defeat. Actually this one is really easy: Either I am doing sport on my own, or I eat something.
Since I didn’t want to do sport after the last nerve-racking minutes I decided to go to the supermarket and buy some delicious food.

On my way I was thinking. This result was terrible. The first half was so awesome and I felt like the happiest person on earth, but then the second half destroyed it all. I even started to search for things I did wrong. The website I watched the game offered several links to watch the game. The first halftime I chosed link five to watch the game, while the second half I picked link four (you know Schalke 04s number).
Of course I knew this was crazy, but as you should have noticed during reading this I was a bit out of my mind after this game.

While walking and more thinking, I just realized that I had kind of comparable feelings before. Not going into details I can tell you that my last break-up had a similar process like this game.
First I felt like the happiest person on earth, after that my love disappointed me, I got angry because of that and afterwards I arranged with it. Directly after this comparison another comparison came into my mind.
The feeling a football fan has after defeats is in a way like the feelings after a Hangover. You feel very bad and ask yourself the question: “Why am I doing this to myself every time?”, while deep inside you know, the next weekend you will do it again.

So what to learn from this story.
I think the passion a football fan has for his club is unique and even if you try to compare it to for example a break-up or a Hangover, it doesn’t represent the whole picture.
For me in personal it was and is still always important to have some pillars in life. This means some things that will never change and that give you in your fast changing life the feeling of stability and security. Mainly my family and my closest friends are this pillars, but I would say in a way it is also my favorite football club.
Let me tell you another story of mine. (Oh man this text is getting way to long, personal and philosophic, but anyway I will continue writing). At one party I once saw a girl I loved for quite some time kissing another guy and I felt terrible about it. The next day, I went to the stadium with my father.
At the Borussia Dortmund stadium we have the great tradition to play the song “You will never walk alone” and sing it together before the game starts.

You can check it out here:


Basically this means, that 80.000 people are upholding their scarves, creating a choir and sing out loud those lyrics. And guess what, I could imagine no better recover after what happened the night before, than what happened this day in the stadium, “You will never walk alone” and a Win of my favorite team.
As a football fan you experience great moments and bad moments, but what you always do is, that you share these moments in a community. A community where it doesn’t matter who you are and where you come from. The one thing that combines you, is the equal love for your club and football in general.
And with this knowledge and the knowledge that there will be a next game I think I will deal even with this game.

Simon (Borussia Dortmund fan since childhood)

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